Thursday, January 7, 2010

jealousy and other random thoughts

I can't sleep and I think I'm getting sick, so I figured since I've been meaning to write some more on here that now would be a good time (rather than toss and turn in bed).

The last time I posted here was about E. We've talked a couple of times since then, so we're on speaking terms again, but we're not close anymore and probably won't ever be again. She's just too into herself to be a good friend, so I'll just consider her an acquaintance and move on. In this case, I'm pretty sure that it was not my social ineptitude to blame (for a change).

The holidays were good mostly, but a little stressful because of my father, but that's a long story and I'll write more about that later.

I know it's silly, and I usually never feel this way, but my husband is on a trip with a bunch of students from the university and one of them is a girl, and I'm not sure how I feel about him spending so much time with her. I'm sure I'm being ridiculous, but I just can't stop thinking about it, and need to get it off my chest I guess. My husband is a 30 year old PhD student who will soon be an instructor, and the girl is a 20 year old sophomore. I know there's nothing going on or anything, it just irks me that they're having fun together and I'm not there. Every time I've talked to him the past 2 days, he's had something to say about her and how fun or cool she is or what-ever-the-fuck, and it's getting to me. I've tried to be cool and understanding about it and at first I was all like "that's good that you're watching out for her" and all that shit, and said she sounded nice (and I'm sure she is) and when he said we should have her over for supper sometime I was all "sure." That was the first time I talked to him since he had left for the trip, but I've talked to him 5 or 6 times and he mentions her every time. And when we were chatting on Google earlier (he forgot his phone charger and his phone was dead), he mentions that they are going to breakfast in the morning. Alone. Because they are not required to go to that part of the conference. I just don't like it. I'm glad he's coming home tomorrow. I really hope there aren't any airport delays because of weather. Like I said, I know I'm being silly, but I just can't help it. Oh, and honey, if you're reading this, don't ever tell me. I already don't have anyone to talk to about stuff and this is the only outlet I have left, so let me have it. Because I just can't talk to you about everything.

Which brings up the question of how come I can't talk to anybody I know about some things, but I feel perfectly fine putting it out there for all the world to read? I don't understand it myself.

2 comments:

Sissy said...

I don't like it either. Nip it in the bud! That right comes with the ring.

Shelby said...

I have a lot I could say about your situation but I won't say it because after my own experience I don't trust myself to be objective.
As to your final question, it's one of the great mysteries of the internet -- like why anyone who visits my site is privy to my actual weight but I'd roll over and die before I'd tell anyone in my family!

Love ya girl!