Monday, April 12, 2010

Musical Monday

I liked the Musical Monday post at My Kids Might Be Martians when I read it a little while ago, so I'm being a copycat and doing a Musial Monday post too. Yeah, I've never been accused of being original.
So anyway, here are some Amos Lee videos for you. I REALLY like this guy's music.

Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight is a good one.

Shout Out Loud is probably his most well known song; the first one of his I ever heard. The official video is on YouTube, but embedding has been disabled for it. So here's a video from one of his live shows.

Southern Girl is one of my favorite songs of his.

Here at MSU, this weekend is Super Bulldog Weekend. I couldn't care less about the sports stuff, but the other activities that take place during the weekend are a lot of fun. One of them being the Cotton District Arts Festival, which is cool. The other being the Old Main Music Festival. Guess who's play at it this year? Yep, Amos Lee. Can we say excited?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Insert appropriate title here

This will just be more rambling randomness I guess.
I'm feeling really down and just don't have anyone to talk to, so I thought of I just type for a while, it might help me feel better.
I always get depressed around this time of the year. Early spring. I would think it is Seasonal Affective Disorder, but according to everything I've read online, that starts in the fall and gets worse through the winter. In my case, I slowly get more and more depressed through the winter, but just try to deal with it and by the time spring comes, I'm nearly suicidal. I hate being this way. Most of the time I can just push through and tell myself to "get over yourself," but right now, I just don't know if I can.
A lot of why I feel like this is because I don't have friends. I know I've written about that before too, so I don't want to just keep harping on it, but damn. I'm lonely. I love my husband and he's wonderful, but he's been gone all week and I've been here, stuck in this damn apartment all week by myself. I'm sure you're saying, "Crystal, just get in your car and go somewhere and do something." Well, that would be nice, but my car is messed up. Last time I tried to go anywhere was Saturday and it quit on me twice, so I don't want to press my luck. On top of that, it's been raining a lot, so that makes it hard to get out and walk anywhere, although I did get out twice today. Once just to go for a walk to get out of the apartment, another to go get something to eat at the deli down the street. A few hours before I went to get something to eat, I posted on Facebook that I was going to go there for dinner at 6:30 and if anyone would like to join me I'd love some company. Now, I didn't really think anyone would come, and they didn't, but I figured maybe a couple of people would say "if I weren't so busy..." or that they would like to but couldn't. The only person that said anything like that was E., she said : "I wish I could I would love a BMW night!" (BMW is short for Bitching, Moaning, and Whining. It's what we would say when we needed to complain about work.) She wanted to spend time with me, but only to complain about her life. My response was "Drive on down, I'll listen. Or you can just call me later :-)" I didn't care, I would listen to her complain, just to have some kind of interaction, but of course, she didn't come or call. But at least she did say something, which is more than any of my other "friends" did.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a downer in person. I try to be a happy, upbeat person. No one know that on the inside I'm so sad. I feel like the only reason anyone wants to be around me is to use me for one reason or another. I've only had a few friends in my life that I felt wanted to be my friend just for the sake of friendship, because they actually liked me and wanted to be around me. Everyone else just tolerates me because I will help them in some way. What is so wrong with me? I've alway heard that to get friends you have to be a friend first, I've tried that. It doesn't work. Any advice?
Tomorrow I will probably be fine and get over myself, but tonight, I just needed to get it out.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

She's cool

So the girl I was talking about in the last post? She came over to eat supper and watch a movie with us tonight. I have to admit, she's a pretty cool chick. I knew I was being silly about being jealous, but now I really know that everything's ok.
Also, we went over to a friend's game night Tuesday and that went really well. I didn't say or do anything stupid, so it was a good night.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

jealousy and other random thoughts

I can't sleep and I think I'm getting sick, so I figured since I've been meaning to write some more on here that now would be a good time (rather than toss and turn in bed).

The last time I posted here was about E. We've talked a couple of times since then, so we're on speaking terms again, but we're not close anymore and probably won't ever be again. She's just too into herself to be a good friend, so I'll just consider her an acquaintance and move on. In this case, I'm pretty sure that it was not my social ineptitude to blame (for a change).

The holidays were good mostly, but a little stressful because of my father, but that's a long story and I'll write more about that later.

I know it's silly, and I usually never feel this way, but my husband is on a trip with a bunch of students from the university and one of them is a girl, and I'm not sure how I feel about him spending so much time with her. I'm sure I'm being ridiculous, but I just can't stop thinking about it, and need to get it off my chest I guess. My husband is a 30 year old PhD student who will soon be an instructor, and the girl is a 20 year old sophomore. I know there's nothing going on or anything, it just irks me that they're having fun together and I'm not there. Every time I've talked to him the past 2 days, he's had something to say about her and how fun or cool she is or what-ever-the-fuck, and it's getting to me. I've tried to be cool and understanding about it and at first I was all like "that's good that you're watching out for her" and all that shit, and said she sounded nice (and I'm sure she is) and when he said we should have her over for supper sometime I was all "sure." That was the first time I talked to him since he had left for the trip, but I've talked to him 5 or 6 times and he mentions her every time. And when we were chatting on Google earlier (he forgot his phone charger and his phone was dead), he mentions that they are going to breakfast in the morning. Alone. Because they are not required to go to that part of the conference. I just don't like it. I'm glad he's coming home tomorrow. I really hope there aren't any airport delays because of weather. Like I said, I know I'm being silly, but I just can't help it. Oh, and honey, if you're reading this, don't ever tell me. I already don't have anyone to talk to about stuff and this is the only outlet I have left, so let me have it. Because I just can't talk to you about everything.

Which brings up the question of how come I can't talk to anybody I know about some things, but I feel perfectly fine putting it out there for all the world to read? I don't understand it myself.